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More than Just a College Trend
I admit, at first, I too was confused about this new fad. It seemed to
be everywhere -- at parties, in the street, even in class. I thought
it was the product of an alien invasion. Maybe it would just blow over
before I had to deal with it. But it didn't.
This fashion statement grew and grew until it taunted me everyday. And
because I didn't understand it, I immediately feared it and it made me
angry.
In fact, every time I saw a popped collar, I would cower in fear.
Sometimes, I would even get angry and go on blind rampages causing
bodily harm to those sporting the new fashion. But thinking back,
maybe my actions weren't really necessary. I should have gotten both
sides of the issue before I really formed an opinion. The fact is, I
was just ignorant of the facts. That is, until a friend described
something she saw that opened my eyes.
She described a party at a frat, where one of the brothers with a
popped collar went over to another guy, with his collar unpopped, and
asked him what he was doing.
That collar needed to be popped.
As I thought over the events that happened, I realized that popped
collars were no simple fad. It was a necessity -- and let me share
with you why.
First, they provide that necessary protection against the erratic
weather that plagues State College. Residing in the middle of
Pennsylvania, the weather here is as unpredictable as the student
government. From time to time, when there isn't rain passing through
or snow falling in the middle of April, there are heavy gusts of wind.
Sometimes, the wind is even wild enough to carry away some of the
smaller freshmen. And why weigh yourself down with unnecessary coats
or jackets, when a popped collar would do the job just as well?
But let's say you don't want to pop your own collar. Let's say you
want to risk being attacked by this blustery weather. Well, if those
heavy gusts were to hit you while you were outside, you may get sick.
And if you get sick, you can't go to class. If you miss a few classes,
you'll probably end up failing that class -- all because you didn't
want to pop that collar. So think twice before you go out.
Second, look at the obvious head support that you can gain from
popping your collar. You won't have to support your head with your own
strength and energy anymore. Remember all those times in those boring
lectures where you had to hold your own head up with your arm or a
desk? Well, fear not, because those days are in the past. All it takes
is a popped collar to hold up your head.
But what if your head is too heavy for one collar? Then just wear more
shirts with collars. Up to three collars is perfectly acceptable.
Anymore though, and you may start to weigh yourself down. I have seen
plenty of guys with three popped collars. I can only imagine how
comfortable that must have been.
Third, and maybe the most important, it just makes you look that much
cooler.
Another one of my friends popped his collar at a bar one night and he
suddenly had multiple females approach him and ask him for his number.
The band on stage immediately called him up on stage and asked him to
help sing. The bartender gave him free drinks for the rest of the
night. And that was the night he became my hero.
I haven't had the opportunity yet to pop my collar in public, but I'm
patiently waiting for my chance, and I know it will be the greatest
night of my life. Hey, and don't think you ladies are excluded from
this popped collar phenomenon. I've seen plenty of girls protecting
their health and necks with popped collars.
So if you're reading this with an unpopped collar, what are you
waiting for? True glory and happiness awaits you. But as for the rest
of us with intelligence and common sense, we'll just deal with jackets
and sore necks.
And so I raise my glass to you, Mr. or Ms. Popped Collar, for you are
the pinnacle of superiority in this great nation. I hope that I can be
half as healthy and cool as you.
- Courtesy of 4Q.cc
